Parenting and Research

Mother holding her son.

HAVING A BABY DURING A PHD 
​
When my husband and I started chatting about having kids, I was in the first year of my PhD. We went back and forth, trying to decide between having a baby during my PhD or waiting until I submitted my thesis. My PhD supervisors, who were all mothers, gave me great advice: there is no right time to have a baby when in research and to go with your life plan. Putting my PhD out of mind, we decided that it was the right time to start trying. I had my daughter at the end of my second year of my PhD and had a year of maternity leave in 2018 (3 months paid and 9 months unpaid, which is fairly normal in Australia).

Having a baby during my PhD had its pros and cons. It brought time for my manuscripts to go through the peer-review process and get published while on leave. It was hard to come back, and when I did, I only had six months left to submit my thesis. My husband ended up taking his paternity leave in the last three months of my thesis so I could focus all my attention on getting it done. Having a baby definitely made the experience harder but ultimately more rewarding! The same options for maternity and paternity leave are not readily available to everyone, so make sure to be aware of the support you are entitled to and use them to your advantage.

Tips to share from this experience:

• Get as much writing done before you go on leave. It was hard to get back into writing after such a long break, so do as much as you can beforehand.
• Submit papers to journals before you head on leave so they can undergo the review process. I tried to do this as best as I could and got two papers accepted while on leave.

TRAVELLING FOR RESEARCH (WITH A BABY)
I was fortunate enough to receive a grant to collaborate in Germany while on maternity leave. As a PhD student, this was too good an opportunity to pass, so we decided to go, though we recognized the challenges ahead. I was then lucky enough to get a travel award to attend a conference in Scotland. Perfect! We would extend our trip and after Germany, do a bit of travel and then head to Scotland.

But of course, things don't always go to plan. My husband got promoted. The role change meant he couldn't take two months off anymore. He still was able to take off a month for Germany, but what about Scotland? 

Since grants and awards don't come easily, we decided to go to Germany for a month, go back to Australia, and then after two weeks, I would head back to Scotland by myself to attend the conference. It was an insane plan that I can't believe we managed to pull off!

GERMANY WITH A BABY
In August 2018, we took our daughter on her first airplane ride. At seven months, she was great on the plane, despite three legs and over 24 hours of travel one way. We spent a month in Germany, and while it was an amazing experience, there was a lot of juggling involved. I would work Monday to Friday, during which my husband would look after our daughter, and I'd take over parenting in the evenings. We would then hop on trains and buses on the weekends and make day trips to other German cities. Once, we even crossed the border to the Netherlands! I got to attend a summer school while I was there and ended up writing up a manuscript that has since been published. While it was a lot to juggle, I'm glad we took the leap and went together.

Tips to share from this experience:

• Lean on your partner. There is no way this experience would have happened without my husband taking over carer responsibilities willingly (and kudos to him for doing this in a foreign country!).
• The best time to travel with a baby is before they can walk. Our daughter is constantly active, and it would have been chaos if we had taken her when she was completely mobile. 
• Buy a travel pram. We had the lightweight gb Pockit, the world's smallest folding stroller. We couldn't have survived without it!
• Book plane bassinets early. We had one flight on the way back home without it, and it was the worst leg of the flight out of all of them.

SCOTLAND WITHOUT A BABY
The trip to Scotland was much harder. The conference was a great experience, and I got to present my research. But being away from my daughter was incredibly difficult as it was the first time leaving her for an extended period of time. 

Tips to share from this experience:

• If you're going to be apart from your child, accept that you will cry. I cried at the airport, cried on the plane, and then some more the first night in the hotel.
• Ask your family for help. My husband stayed with his parents while I was away so he could get extra support.

COVID-19 AND A TODDLER (AND DEALING WITH THE TERRIBLE TWOs)
I was a post-doc for seven months before COVID-19 struck. Our daughter turned two just before the craziness, and we are dealing with the 'terrible twos' while juggling working from home. I work in the morning while my husband looks after our daughter, and then we swap in the afternoon. 

Tips to share from this experience:

• There's nothing wrong with spoiling your child sometimes. My daughter watches TV every day and sometimes has unhealthy meals, which is not what I planned. Sometimes, you have to lower the bar slightly if it lets you get work done.
• Don't take on more responsibility. You might feel like you can do more because you're working from home – don't if you don't have to. 
• 
  

SOME HARD TRUTHS
Here are two hard truths that I've come to (eventually) accept two and a half years of juggling parenthood and research that help me maintain my sanity:

1. You can prioritize your work or your family, but not both. That's not to say it can only be one or the other forever. It will fluctuate between the two; some days, I can prioritize my family, and others I have to prioritize work.
2. You'll feel like you're not doing your best, and you have to accept it. If you're dividing your efforts between work and parenthood, you'll feel like neither is up to standard. If you focus on succeeding in one, then you'll feel like a failure in the other. Accept that your life will involve a lot of juggling, and for now, some things are tough to achieve.

While I was fortunate to have generous support during my PhD from my supervisors, family, and the university in terms of maternity leave, not everyone has the same support. Policies that help new parents in science will provide equal opportunity around the world. In particular, universities should provide paid-leave, well-appointed breastfeeding rooms, and flexible working hours to support new parents and nursing mothers. Parenting often coincides with when female researchers are climbing up the career ladder. A lack of support will leave researchers struggling at crucial phases of their scientific career. 

However, the positive message I leave you with is that while having a child and juggling research is challenging, it is not impossible. I'm amazed at what I've achieved so far, and I know many mothers who have successfully balanced parenthood and research life!

Author

Dr Elizabeth Thomas, @Lizzie_ThomasAU
Elizabeth holds a PhD in Cognitive Neuroscience (2019) and is a post-doctoral researcher at the Monash Alfred Psychiatry Research Centre (MAPrc), Melbourne, Australia. Her current research focuses on women’s mental health and cognition. She balances research with motherhood and is extremely passionate about inspiring women and mothers in STEM, as well as the next generation of scientists.